It does it all the time. It hits me with this uncontrollable speed and out of nowhere situations that I must deal with. It throws me curbs, twists and turns. Devastating and exhilarating. From heavy, pouring tear drops to bubbly ecstasy. Life is crude and at times it strips me of all my guards I’ve built up so far. Often. More often than I like, I find myself standing there so vulnerable and so little.
There are times where the grand master plan you thought you had mapped out so perfectly seems perfectly irrelevant. Suddenly the here and now drags you into a new kind of reality that demands other priorities. It is in these situations I understand that I cannot plan or control anything. The weird part is, I understand it in these important moments. And then when they pass I go on and plan again. Sometimes I think I must be plain stupid. Perhaps it is part of humanity…?
Only 2 months after I lost my grandmother on my father’s side, I lost my grand father on my mother’s side. That is a tall order when you like me were super close to both of them. I flew back to Copenhagen Tuesday morning to be with my family and to honor my grandfather who was such a rock star. He lived like no tomorrow. Truly. He ate, drank, romanced and did anything and anyone he pleased. So when the time came he bid me, my mother and sisters to refrain from feeling any sadness on his behalf because he had been living on ‘the dessert of life’ only enjoying the best of the best for a long time. Even though he is right, it is still so unreal and I miss him dearly…. I always will.
Even though death is as real as birth and life itself it is still incomprehensible. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of letting go of my loved ones. The abandonment is probably my worst fear.
Now I’m back in LA again contemplating and trying to prepare for tomorrow’s audition and this week’s shoots.
While I was in Copenhagen, Fashion Week turned the city upside down in a ‘haute’ and fashionable mess. I went out one night to see some of my friends and feel the frenzie. It was great to see some old, friendly faces …
Top photographer Christel B & I catching up
Peter & Christian, the owner of ‘Gallery Fashion Fair’
On my last day in LA I had a shoot with the gorgeous, talented song writer and singer Marisa Lauren at one of my favorite spots in Hollywood LAB ART. A young gallery on LABrea that specializes in street art and installations. The owner of the gallery Iskander Lemseffer was kind enough to let us shoot in and around works of his artists. He told me that on their next big art opening, which I think will be on February 18th, as an extra fun gimmick there will be a tattoo artist that gives away real tattoos for free. I’m sure it will be Hipster Central on that specific night at LAB ART.
Anyways, now I’m in Copenhagen for few days and I will make sure to share some of my experiences from the cold North where Fashion Week Frenzie has kicked in.
Until I get the pictures from the shoot here are some ‘behind the scenes’ and Marisa’s new music video Girl Next Door. Check it out!
The photographer of the shoot is actor-turned-photographer Juan Monsalvez. MUA: Holly Eve Landfield who was in town from NYC. However, these pics are not Juan’s they are his assistants shots:
Black Barbie / White Barbie holding hands…
We were wearing Violent Lips on our lips, which gave an unusual pout. Plus we are pouting in this pic #Obvi
A little video from the ‘All NYC Things Party’ at Willoughby’s where Canon chose to open their new store on 5th Avenue and where I had my NYC book party in December 2011.
You can get your own private copy of my book ‘ NYC Head Over High Heels’ by signing on to www.amusedom.com and creating a profile. It is absolutely free and takes less than 30 seconds.
A little iphone snap from my shoot today in LA with photog: Brandon Hicks and MUA: Natasha Lagano. Fashion: Blue Object blazer, Vintage corset and earrings. Stripper red heels bought on Hollywood Blvd.
Traveling from city to city, meeting some of the most talented young as well as ‘well seasoned’ people in the world it reminds me that the majority of them struggle with the same challenge; Scared of success and often times they ruin big opportunities for themselves by either procrastinating or simply by holding on to fear of what is on the other side of what they already know. I mirror myself in them. Nothing new or crazy about that. However, I have realized a change over the last years as I have become more aware of these annoying and old patterns I have and that I see in some of my friends as well.
Before I took a solid look in the mirror, gave fear the middle finger and moved away from safe, Scandinavian habours I was always trying. Today I’m still trying. But I’m 100% ‘me’ trying to book new parts in movies that I find interesting, trying to take the first few steps creating my next book, trying to sing and write songs that matter to me, trying to catch the perfect fashion moment in front of the lense. Whatever it may be. Still trying, but doing it 100%.
The search for truth and honesty, whatever that might mean to you, is important.
Today I was on a tv show hosted by a beautiful girl I know from when I was attending Esper Acting Studio in NYC. She interviewed me about my book ‘NYC Head Over High Heels’, but book aside the show turned into a real girly ‘catch up’ session. #LOVE!. I was super happy to see that she has followed her dream and and is now living here in LA working and following her heart. It’s rare to find that and when it happens it puts a smile on my face.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I completely forgot to take a picture of the set and venue today. But here is an iphone shot of me heading out to the interview. I will make sure to post the link when it is up and running.
Dinner time awaits in LA! Take care and don’t ever forget to go on adventures. They make life worth living…
Fashion: Vintage Leather Jacket, Object long, boho-dress, one leather glove by Marlene Birger
Last night’s outfit before I was headed out to the Birthday party of some of Madonna’s dancers. Red carpet and very Hollywood-ish.
I’m wearing my white, vintage leather jacket with fringes bought at the Weekend market in Bangkok, my favorite Object summer dress, my one lace glove and bright orange fishnet tights for good (and colorful) measure:
”I don’t know if yoga is killing me or saving me”. Those were my thoughts as I blinded by my own sweat stood in ‘half moon pose’ concentrating on my breath and not tipping over. After 60 minutes of ‘Hot Yoga’ – yeah that is what they call it here in West Hollywood – I felt straight up drunk. Drunk and soaked by my own sweat. I know: gross!
In the locker room, after practice, I put left my cowboy boot on my right foot and vice versa without noticing and I had serious trouble walking straight home. Good thing I live only 2 blocks from ‘Sweat Hell’.
What the ‘H’ happened? Well, I got back into LALALAND last night super hungover and tired of months of traveling and felt I need a clean up and some focus. So, I signed up for one month of unlimited yoga at a nice Yoga joint near by, secretly hoping that I by mid February will be more flexible than Madonna’s 19 year old back-up dancers and have a firmer derriere than any of the Sports Illustrated models. Well… perhaps not, but at least they promise me 60 – 90 minutes in ‘sweat hell’ as often as I please where I will face my demons and where I cannot run or escape anywhere pleasant or extraordinary. Instant gratification pangs are put on hold for now.
Just in case you were wondering, facing the facts and going into all the juicy drama and circus I have inside is a good thing. I have to. Other wise I spin and twirl out of control until reality catches up and smacks me in the head. Been there, done that and loathing it. I can’t say it won’t happen again because I like to make my own rules and reality plays policeman when I do that. But hey! I’m just a woman, and I’m just trying. On this note, I’m reasoning that the yogis call it ‘to practice yoga’ because it is exactly that. A practice and not perfect. Meaning I am still learning. I am constantly in a process. We all are. And that sort of helps and calms me on some pseudo level.
So tomorrow it’s back to auditioning (and yoga) and I finally have some time to get my original big black and white Photographs of Andy Warhol from the 70′s framed. They are shot by Anton Perich and I have wanted to redo and re-decorate my place for a while. Now is the time. Dunno if it is the yoga or just 2012 that brings up the renewal syndrome.
Ok, I’m out people. Have a wonderful night or day where ever you are.
